“Will I ever get married?”
“I’m 30 and I still can’t commit. Maybe marriage is not for me.”
“Should I just date around until I find, “Mr. Right?”
“I’m too young to settle down. I’m 25 and living my best life.”
“I’m doing me right now. I’m chilling.”
There are so many things that go through our heads. We are taught from a very tender age that we need to get a good job, find a home, find a husband/wife and have kids; settle down and enjoy life. It’s pretty much engraved into our consciousness until it starts to seep through our actions in our adult lives. We date around hoping we will find “The One,” or at least someone who has potential. All of these unrealistic expectations that have been placed on us in some ways discourage us from actually going out and exploring what the world has to offer before we settle down. Dating and social apps are on an all-time high and millennials would rather commit as long as there is a way out. Most millennials are looking for a situation that benefits them, and if the situation doesn’t offer some perks, then it fizzles. A lot of relationships nowadays are one-sided and most often only for social media likes and fame. With social media sometimes dictating how relationships should be, people would rather have factory made love than actually pursuing and working towards building a solid relationship with someone.
I don’t believe that millennials have given up on marriage as much as they have stopped trying to look for longevity in their relationships. Why have longevity when you can have anything you want right now. That drive through mentality is what keeps a lot of millennials from pursuing committed relationships that lead to marriage. I think the idea of being with anyone you want at any time is a thrilling experience and a lot of the millennials today just want to have fun, YOLO!
Studies are showing that millennials are waiting well into their late 20’s and/or early to late 30’s to get hitched and some are not deciding to get married at all; they just want to be in a partnership with someone. Some would say that a committed relationship is 10 times better than marriage because it doesn’t put pressure on the relationship as a marriage does. I mean look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell; Oprah and Stedman (Both couples have been together for over 30 years) and their relationships are rock solid. Now I’m not advocating for committed relationships, I’m #TeamMarriage myself, However,
there are people you may know right now who are in committed relationships with no desire to ever get married to each other and that works for them, and that’s okay too. It may not be what society thinks should happen, but who's to say what should or should not define a relationship.
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22, KJV.
Like I previously stated, I’m #TeamMarriage. I had never desired to be a forever girlfriend, that was just not the portion I was willing to accept for myself. I knew that there was someone out there for me and in the right time (God’s time), that person would walk into my life and we would walk this life out together as husband and wife. Now, being a millennial myself, in the first seven years of my twenties, I had that “I’m doing me” mentality. It’s not that I didn’t want to get married (that was a very distant thought in my mind); it wasn’t even that I couldn’t find anyone to settle down with; truth be told, I had been proposed to twice before, but declined them both and ended the relationships. At that time in my life, the thought of sharing my space and life with someone was gut-wrenching. I wasn’t prepared for all of that. Now that I’m in my 30’s and the love of my life has found me, I have a different mindset and my tune matches that.
We as millennials just have to take the time to find out who we truly are and what we really desire for ourselves before we make commitments too early in the game. We do ourselves a disservice when we are unsure of the things we want and then bring someone else along for the roller coaster ride that they didn’t ask to be on or deserve to be a part of. Go out, see the world and build a strong foundation for yourself so that when you are ready to share with someone, you’re not carrying baggage into that new thing. If you are single and you’re out there mingling, be safe and protect yourself. Don’t lead people on and be upfront with your intentions. That saves time and money. If you are coupled up, do what is best for your relationship. I would say that if you desire marriage, be transparent with the person you are desiring to commit yourself to, but do it at the start of when the relationship begins to turn serious. If you are not on the same page, then you will be disappointed and waiting around for someone who is not ready to commit to you in that way. Whatever you choose to do, be wise and honest in those choices.
Your life is yours to live.
By: Etosha Bahaiddin
Facebook: Etosha Bahaiddin
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