I know for most people talking about God is taboo to them. Yes, most people don’t believe that He exists. The majority of the world will go their whole lives not knowing who God is and the purpose that He has for their lives. God, whose alive not only on His heavenly throne, but also by His spirit dwelling on the inside of us is not a God of chaos and confusion. God is not a genie in a lamp who gives you unlimited wishes. He does not sit on His mighty throne with a magnifying glass looking for ways to make our lives miserable, it’s actually quite the opposite. God is a good, good Father and if you didn’t know, Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning, James 1:17.
Like any parent walking this earth, God is the Father that will correct you when you continue to walk in error. He does this not as a punishment, but to keep you from being succumbed to your fleshly desires that can lead you to a path of destruction. People constantly ask me about God, they wonder how did I get to a point where I just “know?” My response is always the same, “God is an experience.” I can tell you all the things that He has done in my life, but you have to come to that decision for yourself. You have to begin and build a relationship with the Creator that is your own. Yes, God will send people into your life that will plant seeds of edification, encouragement, support and teaching; others will come along to water those seeds, but God will give the increase. However, you must still cultivate, feed and give that seed life so that your tree can bear good fruit. As a little girl I had known of God. I used to make all of these empty promises that if He would get me out of the sticky situations I would put myself in, then I would do better next time. When next time came around, I was right back to being ridiculous. But, because God is so good and desired to see the best for my life, He would always correct me and when you get corrected by God, you KNOW!
I’ve always had a connection to the supernatural since I was a young child, but I never had anyone to edify and help me grow that part of myself. I always could hear God talking to me through my dreams. But when you don’t have people around you to build that up for purpose, it becomes stagnant. So, as I got older, I would push away that part of myself because I wanted to be “normal” and I didn’t want what I thought would be a burden. I allowed the world to guide me, even though I kept God in my mind, He was far off from my heart. I want to share something that I’ve never shared with anyone. On my 30th birthday I had planned to take my life. I had been going through hell and even though I had two beautiful children and my dreams to live for, it wasn’t enough. I felt that I would be better off not here than to deal with what was happening to me. On the eve of my 30th birthday, I told God, if He was truly the God that I heard amazing things about from the people around me, then I needed Him to save my life because I didn’t want to live anymore. The morning of my 30th birthday, I woke up with a sense of peace that I hadn’t had in all my years before that day. My mind was calm and I was smiling, not because it was my birthday, but just because. I no longer had the desire to harm myself but to live. There was a knock at my door and it was my older sister who I hadn’t seen in almost two years because she is in the military. She had come to surprise me for my birthday and in that moment, I knew God had heard me. He saved my life! That was first time that I knew of His power. All I could do was cry.
From that moment on, I desired to not just know of God, but to know Him. To seek His heart more than His hand. I wanted the things that He wanted for me. I wanted to know who I was and what was my purpose. When I started to seek the heart of God, He started to show me who He is. I hadn’t realized that there were so many layers to our Heavenly Father that sometimes when I think about His goodness, I get emotional. I didn’t know that life could be so wonderful because of Him. I didn’t know that He wanted to do all these amazing things for me and through me, But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea the deep things of God. 1 Corinthians 2:9-10.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that the walk has been a fairytale, because it hasn’t been. I’ve missed some targets and I’ve had not so great moments, but they all taught me something. They’ve all brought me to this place, the place where I’m in love with what God is doing through me. The Father has transformed me into someone that I had only wished and hoped I could be and He’s not finished. It’s been almost five years on this walk with Christ and I wouldn’t change anything that I’ve gone through. I’m still growing and learning of who He is and even of myself. Knowing God takes equal action from not just Him, but you as well. You have to show up and be apart of the process. God cannot do everything and you do nothing. That is not how any relationship works.
Knowing of God and knowing God personally are two different things. One requires you to listen to what the world says and how the world views who God is to them. Knowing God personally requires you to take what the world gives you and walk with your head high even at the price of your dignity, respect and life. However, the latter requires you to seek Him while He still may be found. It requires you to talk to Him and when He responds, listen. You know that when He says no, it’s to protect you or even when He says not right now, it is to grow you and prepare you for what’s to come. Knowing God requires you to lay down your own desires and pick up the things that He desires for you. When you know God, you know that He is for you and He will never leave you. Step out of the thoughts that the world or even circumstances might have shown you to believe about God and go get to know Him for yourself. I’m a living testimony that God is real and He is waiting for you, waiting to show you who you are to Him and in Him.