Well hello ladies! We are digging deep and looking into ourselves today! Not only will we monitor our words, but we will take a look at our actions. Now, I know this subject all too well. In the past I have definitely put my relationships before and ahead of God. I hate to say it but it was almost as if my ex’s were my savior and not Jesus. I know it sounds terrible, but I did say we are digging into ourselves. Digging deep requires us to have honesty within ourselves. We can’t be afraid of what we will learn, but we can notice signs, acknowledge our truth and allow it to shift us. So, let's get started!
Okay, first a mini storytime: the other week I was looking through an old journal of mine from my junior year of college. At this time I was in a relationship with who I classify as my “second love”. As I began to flip through and skim through the pages I realized that each and every single page was filled with this man’s name! I was constantly writing about him when I woke up, and he was the last thing I wrote about at night. Every facetime call was an entry in my journal. Every dispute was an entry in my journal. I thought to myself… “where was time for Jesus in the midst of all of this!?” While reading I saw sayings like “he motivates me” or “he’s my everything”. All the pages were filled with things that I should’ve been allowing the Lord to do for me. I had written things, characteristics, and traits that should have been used to classify God! Had I really put this man in place of God? The answer was yes.
Since then, I have realized I brought that same dependency and idolization into other relationships and potential relationships. Let’s get through this together so we don’t continue down the path of putting other idols before our Heavenly Father.
Here are the signs and ways I began to realize I was idolizing my partner:
- You worry more about pleasing your mate than pleasing God
I know we’re coming in hot! For me this was one of the most tell tale signs that I put my partner on a pedestal higher than he deserved. When you start to notice that you are valuing their opinion even when it is potentially contrary to what you feel and believe then something in the milk ain’t right. Things are a bit stale and lumpy. There are two people in this world we must commit to pleasing; God and ourselves (sometimes not even purse). In the past I have washed away my own views, opinions, and feelings for the sake of making sure the other person is happy and not myself. I believe this comes from a fear of losing them. I’m gonna tell it to you like the great Bishop T.D. Jakes would. “If people want to walk out of your life LET THEM GO!” Your peace in God and within yourself is way more important baby girl.
- When he becomes priority over your purpose
Okay ladies, you know our nature. It is so easy for us to put everything down and on hold so we can tend to the ones that we love. We are nurturers. However, we have to become nurturers of ourselves first! On numerous occasions I have pressed pause on quiet time, God ideas, and goals just so I can “see about my baby”. Listen sisters, facetime calls and date nights aren’t worth it if you haven’t done what you need to do for God and yourself first. God has given us so many instructions and paths to take. When you begin to say, “I’ll do it later” or “I’ll come back to it” and it pertains to your purpose it becomes easy to see which is truly your priority. I’m not saying don’t make room or make time for your partner, I’m just saying lets get our priorities straight. So many times I haven’t done what God, Himself, has given me to do because I was worried about being “in love” or filling a void that only God can.
- When you began to change yourself (and not just for you)
You know how we look up to someone so much we begin to want to be like them? We want to walk like them, talk like them, move like them. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, however, sometimes you can lose that little glimmer of you that makes you...you. For example we look up to Jesus. We strive everyday to be more and more like Him. We know this is our truth and that this is good. So let’s think about this. You are idolizing your partner when you start to do this same exact thing with him. I’ve admired past partners so much to the point that everyday I became more and more like them. I became more of what they liked and less of what I liked. I did more of what they liked and less of what I liked. I began to act in the ways I knew they would appreciate, but losing Jerica in the process. It is great to find someone who brings out the best in you. But is it the best in you, or their best for you? There’s a difference. When you abandon completely who you are, you began to give them power over who you will become. You are in charge of your evolution, not them.
All of these have been things that helped me identify when my partner became my idol. If you are experiencing any of these things please take a step back and evaluate. Are you capable of recognizing and making changes in your relationship? Or do you feel like this person has to and MUST be placed in the position you are placing them in? Whatever your answers to these questions are they both require thinking, digging, and realignment. If you are going to be in a relationship be in it for you and the glory of God that is represented within it. Not for your man and all his glory. That solely belongs to the Lord.
Stay fierce baby girl,