Romans 12:2 tells us, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” -NKJV.


Sometimes living by this had not always been easy for me. For several years I had been plagued with the opinions of others, not fitting in with “the in crowd,” not being enough for the things that I was doing at the time, not feeling like my voice mattered and even thoughts that I would die extremely young. These things consumed my mind daily, so much so, that I was slowly dying on the inside. For me, it’s hard to hide my emotions because they show up on my face, but it seemed like nobody truly cared. I am someone who internalizes everything and I’m very emotional. Everything affects me, even when I feel like it shouldn’t. When things are not executed as planned, I tend to run down every scenario possible in my head and sometimes those things would manifest physically or emotionally for me. Even though I heard people say, “You’re thoughts are powerful,” or “You are what you think,” I didn’t realize just how powerful. I was heading down a dark tunnel with no lights, no lifeline, and no way out.


I could go on and on about all the things that led me to my decision to renew my faith in God, but I’ll tell you this, when things fall, they fall hard and fast! The beginning of my walk with Christ was exactly like James 1:6-8, which reads, “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” Sure enough, I was just that, unstable in everything I did. My environment had changed, I had physically changed, my spirit had been elevated and I would be so confident one minute, but the next so doubtful. I was flip flopping all over the place. I knew I was doing the right things. Speaking and eating right, treating others with love and kindness; still, those doubts just crept in like a slow moving stream.


My mind was a mess and it was causing me more harm than I was willing to accept. I had to take ownership of what I was doing to myself and then actively pursue something better. I had people who truly depended on me and I wasn’t going to just give up on myself, so I actively showed up for the renewal process. I declared Romans 12:2 over myself daily (I still do today) and not just declaring that, but believing it. When I would feel my mind shifting into negative or doubting thoughts, I would remember and speak all the wonderful things God said about me. I would dismiss those thoughts that didn’t match what God said. I had to bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.


I believe that your heart and mind have to be on the same page and when they are at war with each other, that’s when things can get out of sync. When God had captured my heart, like truly captured my heart, that’s when my thoughts began to shift. It was like a light went off on the inside of me that just got brighter and brighter. I became more active in my health. I was able to forgive people from my past that hurt me so I could move forward. I began to start pursuing my purpose in writing and creating. The relationships with my family improved. I was able to truly be myself and form genuine friendships and connections with people. I gained a sense of confidence and independence that I never had before. My prayer and worship life went to another level because the things that held me hostage for so long couldn’t hurt me anymore. Most importantly, my self love and worth grew exponentially. I gained a new perspective on life, that anything was possible and that I deserved to live it whole and healed.


I do want to admit that anything you’re used to doing that has become a bad habit can be challenging when you want to shift into a mode of thriving and not just surviving. I’m not here to tell you that it has been easy for me to shift my thought process in every aspect of my life, because it hasn’t. I’ve had moments that haven’t been the best, but I choose not to stay in those moments. I know that with God’s grace, I’ve came a long way. I’m not where I want to be, but I have complete trust and faith in God that He will bring me to full restoration in every aspect of my life, nothing missing and nothing broken. I love myself the way God loves me. I know I will never be perfect, however, I’m progressing and I know that God is perfecting all things concerning me. I intend to continue to show up for me.


What worked for me, and continues to work for me, may not be so for everyone and that is okay. Life is about progress and as long as you are moving forward in a positive and healthy way, that’s what matters. There are enough barriers in this life that are meant to keep us from the good things that are out there, so don’t be another barrier to yourself. You are really the only person that can hold you back when you think that you’ve hit your glass ceiling or that things can’t get better. If you truly think that, you end up believing it and it becomes so. I once believed this way. I’m encouraging you to actively pursue good thoughts in every area of your life. Who knows, the key to unlocking everything you’ve always wanted to do and who you’ve always wanted to be may just be in shifting your thinking. Any good thing is possible when you believe and then pursue.


Stay blessed Bosses!


By: Etosha Bahaiddin

Instagram: @appleoftheeyes2

Twitter: @appleoftheeyes2

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