Ladies, we’ve all been there, you know? That post-break-up time in our lives. It’s a soft spot for many of us. Maybe you are coming out of a relationship that caused you to lose yourself. Maybe you’ve been out of a relationship for a while and trying to decide when’s the right time to jump back out there. Whatever your situation may be there is a process that follows after a big event like this. Here’s what that process looked like for me.
I, myself, was in a relationship that caused me to lose all of me. I compromised everything you could imagine possible. My morals, my thoughts, beliefs, and yes...you guessed it...even my faith. I had no clue who I was anymore. Within the relationship and even after it was over. I literally had to reprogram myself into the Jerica before the relationship. This was not easy for me. I had become so engulfed in my relationship that his thoughts became my thoughts, and his ways my ways. What was important to him became important to me. I understand that might not be such a bad thing, however, what was important to him was NOT in my best interest. I loved him so much to the point that I didn’t love myself. I gave him everything I had within me (which wasn’t much because I wasn’t necessarily whole in the first place).
So there I sat after everything was said and done. Broken, confused, hurt, and wondering why things happened the way that they did. I knew I had to do something to get out of this dark place. I knew it wasn’t where God intended me to be. Luckily for me, I had and still have Godly friends to help me along this journey. A friend of mine suggested I picked up some self-love books. She suggested this because she felt as though I needed to begin to learn and figure out what I loved about myself. In hopes that I wouldn’t dwell on the things that “he” didn’t love about me.
Here are a few things I learned on this new journey:
Figure out what YOU love about yourself!
Don’t make this about other people and their opinions. This isn’t about people, it’s about you! It’s easy to say “men love when I have weave in and edges laid”. However, what if you, yourself, love when you have your curls poppin’ and naps out!? You have to embrace the TRUE you and not the artificial one we women seem to easily fall back on.
As mentioned earlier I got into a lot of self-help and self-love books. One book in particular, “I wrote a book about YOU” allowed me to fill in the blanks and answer questions about myself. It had prompts that caused me to go back in time to my best and most memorable moments. Prompts included things like “if you were a superhero what would you be” “What are 3 positive attributes about yourself” and “I think you are the most amazing person I’ve ever met because of…(blank, whatever answer you would put down for yourself). So basically it’s you writing an appreciation book about YOU! It truly helped me discover what I loved about myself. If you can’t find a book like this don’t sweat it! Take your favorite journal, open it up, and make a list! A list of everything you love about yourself and why. That way you know there is a reasoning behind why that thing is so amazingly beautiful about you. Doing this was also very helpful to me. It allowed me to really look and examine myself in all of my greatness and glory. That way when someone comes into the picture and tries to say the opposite, I already know that I’m good and I’m loving it.
2. Figure out how to be by yourself!
When you figure this out and become OKAY with it, it’s truly life-changing. It is then that you will know for sure that you are not just trying to “move on” to avoid being lonely. Going through this was the hardest part for me. I usually can’t even go to the store by myself! Haha. However, I knew I had to become comfortable with depending on no one else but me and Jesus! I began to go places by myself. Whether it was out to eat, to the mall, or out on my own personalized date! I made it a mission to do it for the sake of learning myself as well as how to be with “just me”.
This was also the time in my life that I became comfortable with being single. I knew that if I was strong enough to travel and maneuver around on my own, that I could conquer singleness. I was no longer looking for another person to do things with or be completed by. I knew that while God was healing me he needed me to be alone. No distractions, no counterfeits, just me, myself, and I.
3. Figure out your FAITH!
Woooo child! This was my favorite part out of my entire process. God really walked with me and talked with me post break up. I had to figure out who HE says I am! I knew that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I knew that I was more precious than rubies and pearls. Yet, I had to actually study those things and get an understanding of the facts. And where are those facts? In the Word of God! I buried myself in the Word. Through studying, I not only started to believe the things God was saying about me, but I begin to live by them. I began to walk them out and practice them. This not only built up my confidence but my faith as well. I knew once I began to truly believe what the Word said about me, I would begin to walk out the true calling and purpose God had for my life. And girlfriends, that's exactly what happened.
I found love for myself, my life, and my purpose. It was then that I knew that I was now capable of moving on in a healthy, whole way. I decided to do the work on me first. When I figured out “me” I became able to enter into the next chapter and season of my life.
So just a recap ladies:
1. Figure out what YOU love about yourself.
2. Figure out how to be by yourself.
3. Figure out your FAITH.
Start there and soon you’ll be Miss Movin’ On!
Love and Blessings Ladies,