What I Wish I Knew Before Marriage



Love is a decision.

It was not until I married that I realized that love is a decision. When you get past the honeymoon stage, that is when the real work begins. As you grow as a couple your ability to overcome as a collective unit will have an impact on the relationship as a whole. I didn’t really know what love was until 5 years into the marriage. I thought that love was about how my husband made me feel. After I began to grow stronger in faith, God began to reveal what true love really is. As I got a new perspective on love I gained the ability to see things in a different light. Love is a choice. One can make the decision to endure and see past flaws and expectations, or not. It is up to each person to choose what they will and will not put up with.

Wholeness is important

In order to love someone else, one must first love themselves. Sometimes people get into relationships that serve a purpose for a season. Others enter relationships from a position of wholeness. It is important for you to love who you are before you can love who they are. Love is a form of grace. It is easier to love someone that has an understanding of who they are. It is important to be whole when entering a marriage. Quiet as it’s kept, many go into relationships as a means of survival and or convenience. Others figure out how to become whole along the way. If you don’t know who you are it will be hard for you to authentically love someone else. It is not impossible for a couple to find wholeness along the way. Nonetheless, being whole beforehand could potentially result in a stronger union.

Marriage does not fix relationships

Getting married does not change the underlying problems that occurred before marriage or that can occur during the first two years of marriage. In my opinion, the first two years are the most difficult because you are still getting to know one another. I remember thinking “for the rest of my life” every time my husband did something that I did not agree with. Another thing we don’t mention, your adversary, the devil, does not like marriage. Therefore, he will try to throw in things to throw you off. This is why you need to know that it is okay to give yourself time to adjust to your new life. It takes time for couples to get to know each other. Little issues sometimes arise within the first two years. As I look back 12 years later I can laugh at some of the things that we used to argue about. Marriage can be work at times. The reward is having someone that you can do life with.

The wedding day is not the only day that you will need an altar

We take so much time preparing for the perfect moment. One of the biggest lessons that I had to learn is that a successful marriage requires a silent ambassador. Many times people gather at an altar at weddings not knowing that they are setting a foundation for a union of three. The altar represents a place of surrender. Marriage is about dying to your own preferences and realities in order to join forces with God and your potential mate. In times of extreme pressure, I have relied on God as my source of strength. As a result, He gave me grace and showed me how to love His way.

Through it all, if you lean on God he will give you the ability to love beyond your own capacity. Stay faithful and fight for your marriage, because there is great power in unity.

What are some things you wish that you knew before marriage bosses?

By: Christina Thomas


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